I don’t know how, and I don’t know when or which book or what it’ll be about, but when somebody says something poignant or ridiculous sometimes I know it just has to go in a book someday. Today, our contributor is my eldest son. We were driving on a toll road over a lake known to contain thousands of alligators. We had just passed a toll booth. In the two hours or so since we’d left the house, he had been talking non. stop.
Me: Please can I have a minute of quiet?
Kid: Okay, but one thing. Mommy, one thing. What if the toll booth guy died, like croaked over like eghh. And then the guy driving through barfed and then-
Me: ALLIGATORS! Look over there! Alligators. I need you to look for alligators.
Me: It is VERY important you look for alligators right now.
(maybe thirty glorious seconds of silence)
Kid: Okay, two things. Mommy, two things. One: you just made me look at nothing. Two: What if the toll booth guy died, like croaked over like eghh. And then the guy driving through barfed when he saw him and then he took all the money and spent it all but there was barf all over it?
I want it to go in almost verbatim, but I think the kid in the story I eventually write will come down with sudden acute laryngitis.